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 Place your JOKES in HERE.

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Albert
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Registration date : 2007-02-26

PostSubject: Place your JOKES in HERE.   Wed Feb 28, 2007 5:19 am

Alligators

Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near Washington, DC.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you kin be so much bigger 'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids. I just don't get it."
"Well," said the big 'gator, "what you been eatin' boy?"
"Neocon politicians, same as you." replied the small 'gator.
"Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?"
"Down 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by the capitol."
"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"
"Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexus and wait fer one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator , "I think I see your problem.
You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a neocon politician, there ain't nothin' left but an asshole and a briefcase."

.
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PB
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PostSubject: Constructive Use of Fossil Fuels.   Wed Feb 28, 2007 4:01 pm

A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington, D.C.,
came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself that the
traffic seemed worse than usual.

He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped
cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's
the hold-up?"

The officer replied, "The President is depressed, so he stopped
his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline
and set himself on fire. He says no one believes his stories about
why we went to war in Iraq, or the worsening deficit and economy,
or that his tax cuts won't help anyone except his wealthy friends.
So we're taking up a collection for him."

The lobbyist asks, "How much have you got so far?"

The officer replied, "About four gallons, but a lot of
folks are still siphoning."
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PB
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PostSubject: Shopping Spree   Wed Feb 28, 2007 4:11 pm

I was in Kmart buying a large bag of Pal for my Labrador retriever and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pal Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Pal nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital. I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
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PB
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PostSubject: Things you must believe to be Republican   Wed Feb 28, 2007 4:15 pm

Things you must believe to be Republican Thumbs up

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of
homosexuals and Hillary.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him,
a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a
good guy when Cheney did business with him, and
a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find
Bin Laden" diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country
is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam
is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
The United States should get out of the
United Nations, and our highest national
priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against
Iraq.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about
her own body, but multi-national corporations
can make decisions affecting all mankind
without regulation.
The best way to improve military morale is to
praise the troops in speeches, while slashing
veterans' benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools,
adolescents won't have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle
our long-time allies, then demand their
cooperation and money.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound
policy, but providing health care to all
Americans is socialism. HMOs and insurance
companies have the best interests of the public
at heart.
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer
are junk science, but creationism should be
taught in schools.
A president lying about an extra-marital
affair is an impeachable offense, but a
president lying to enlist support for a war in
which thousands die is solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers
named in the Constitution, which include
banning gay marriages and censoring the
Internet.
The public has a right to know about
Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's
driving record is none of our business.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a
crime, unless you're a conservative radio host.
Then it's an illness and you need our prayers
for your recovery.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of
vital national interest, but what Bush did in
the '80s is irrelevant.
If you don't send it to at least 10 other
people, we're likely to be stuck with more
Republicans in '06 and '08, and remember;
friends don't let friends vote Republican.
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~Cristy~
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PostSubject: Re: Place your JOKES in HERE.   Wed Mar 07, 2007 6:44 pm

WOW NO COMMENT!!!
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wally
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PostSubject: Re: Place your JOKES in HERE.   Mon Apr 02, 2007 2:32 am

What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall ?

"Dam"
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Albert
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PostSubject: Re: Place your JOKES in HERE.   Mon Apr 02, 2007 3:13 am

Good one wally ! tweeted
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rightasrain
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PostSubject: Re: Place your JOKES in HERE.   Mon Apr 02, 2007 9:56 am

Hilarious Wally . fishy . banana


When I told it to my sis, she knew the punchline!!



Rats!! Sucks whistle Laughing
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Albert
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PostSubject: Re: Place your JOKES in HERE.   Mon Apr 02, 2007 10:00 am

hehehehe tongue
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EAGLE ONE
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PostSubject: POLITICS   Wed Apr 04, 2007 6:50 am

POLITICS

Whether Democrat or Republican, I think you'll get a kick out of this!

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head
of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the
Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to
check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother
asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding
The door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed
with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I
understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think
politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class
while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and
the Future is in deep shit."


EAGLE ONE
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